A Tale of Two Tit Exposures: Janet Jackson, President Obama, the FCC, and Gender

Five years ago much of the nation erupted into an extreme panic after viewing a portion of Janet Jackson's right breast; her nipple was concealed. This was a classic moment of "Americans are from Mars. . .Darren is from Venus." I simply could not understand the (fake) outrage -- especially with so many partially and fully uncovered nipples brazenly presenting themselves daily on television and in the print media. The anti-nipple protests were also louder than criticism of the still ongoing and still unnecessary war in Iraq.

Gender and Toplessness
Many feminists have explored the gender dimensions of toplessness, and American nipple-hysteria has presented many occasions for engaging in critical analysis of this issue. Breastfeeding is probably the most intriguing example of nipple hysteria. Women who publicly feed their kids the "natural way" have caused moral outrage across the country. Based on some of the reactions, I fear that many people who apparently could not resist watching public breastfeeding before complaining about it will undoubtedly become blind or even serial killers. We should definitely stop this breastfeeding menace before it gets out of control!

The FCC's recent decision to re-investigate Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction -- after a string of court losses -- leads me to ask the following question: How can the FCC honestly go after CBS and Jackson again when President Obama's nipples have provided the stimulus for millions of magazine sales? A gendered approach to the issue clearly exists. Women's nipples are indecent unless they are in porn videos or feeding babies in a remote location unknown to other Americans. By contrast, men's nipples are not smutty. In fact, they are presidential. Why?

PS: Of course, Obama is not the only male to go topless without offending the nation, but I think it is interesting that the FCC is investigating female nipples while the executive head of all federal agencies (including the FCC) has gone topless in the media without incident.

12 Incredibly Lame News Stories That the Media Reported, Instead of the Impending Doom in Financial Markets

Several years ago, economists like Robert Shiller (Yale University) and Nouriel Roubini (New York University) began predicting the demise of the housing bubble and the current credit crisis. Despite the fact that for years noted economists have anticipated the current liquidity crisis, many Americans only recently have discovered terminology such as "subprime loans" and "mortgage-backed securities." I partially blame the media for failing to do their job.

Most major media outlets decided to "dumb down" their reporting over the last decade, to the extent that today, their "analysis" is about as valuable a share of AIG stock. Rather than using their vast corporate resources to scrutinize the reckless activities that would later cause this crisis, most media instead chose to obsess over absolute nonsense. Below, I have listed several news stories that received extensive media focus over the last few years, crowding out vital analysis of the risky economic behavior that created today's perilous economic conditions. I wanted to do it as one of those cheesy "top 10" lists, but I could not decide which items to eliminate!

1. Ashlee Simpson lip syncing. So she cannot sing. Why did that make headline news? That's analogous to reporting that we need oxygen in order to live.

2. Nicole Ritchie and Paris Hilton. They are spoiled, anorexic, addicted, extremely wealthy, and socially useless. Next.

3. Scott and Drew Peterson. They share more than a last name and alleged penchant for domestic violence: Both of them have probably paid over a year of Nancy Grace's salary.

4. Obama Girl. I am still bewildered that a bouncy, t-shirt clad young woman could receive so much attention during a presidential campaign -- except from frat boys. This ranks as one of the most shameful popular news items of 2008.

5. Hillary Clinton's so-called "tear" in New Hampshire. I cried too -- longing for Walter Cronkite.

6. Ben and Jen. Who cares?

7. Jen and Brad. Ditto.

8. Brad and Angelino. You get the picture.

9. David Hyde Pierce, Rosie O'Donnell, and Clay Aiken "gay rumors"/"coming out stories." Breaking News: 1+1=2!

10. Britney Spears and Anna Nicole Smith. Blond hair, drugs, money, weight loss, weight gain, endangered offspring, and randomly bizarre behavior. How does this affect me?

11. Reality Show Results. This includes Survivor, American Idol, The Apprentice and all of the others. Who decided that game show results warrant news coverage? Please fire that person! I don't recall seeing The Price Is Right or The Newlywed Show contestants on the news when I was growing up, but maybe I missed something.

12. Janet Jackson's not-even-uncovered nipple. If you can only view "partial-nudity" by capturing a still-shot from a video performance, then it's not worth mentioning, certainly not 1,000,000,000 times. Jackson received more web hits than "9/11" or the "World Trade Center," making "Nipplegate" the most overrated flesh scandal of all time.

What did I leave off the list?